Loved, lost, what next?

Do we forget the people we have lost?

I lost someone I love very much a week ago, I feel numb and angry, angry mostly because one minute she was here and the next she wasn’t, I feel unprepared, I think that’s what death does; we think we have time but we don’t, and no matter for how long we have lived or for how long our loved one has, it will never be enough. We take the little time we have for granted and keep on wishing for more when we finally run out of time.

And also angry because I feel like the world has moved on too fast, like just the moment she stopped breathing she ceased to exist.

She was such an integral part of many lives, how was it possible to just move on like she means nothing anymore.

But the real emotion here I think is; i am just not ready to let go. I want my heart to keep on pining for her, if that means at least she lives inside of me.

I love her, I loved her, I want to continue on loving her until the end of time, until I finally meet her again in a land where there is no separation nor pain.

I want her name to be uttered every single day, I want her to stay alive in the words I write, in my memories and in the deeds I do.

I had two decades, two amazing decades, in which she changed my life, how can I forget or let the world forget about her in a few days?

So it makes me visibly angry that there’s a timeline to mourning, that I am not allowed to let tears of sorrow run down my cheeks anymore, That I am not allowed to feel pain. That I am not allowed to grief the passing of a great human being who happens to mean so much in my life.

I really want to believe with all of my heart that losing someone, to death, doesn’t end their existence all together, I really want to believe that you can love, lose and continue on loving even after they leave this world.

I want to believe that it’s possible to be happy while going on with life and be sad at the same because there’s a void, a longing for someone that’s not there anymore.