To the girl I left in the dark

The look on your face still haunts me. I have a lot to say to you but not enough words…

If I gave you the chance today, would you ask why I did what I did? Would you demand answers or have you moved on already? Do I cross your mind? Did my actions hurt you? When talking about betrayal does my face come to mind?or do you use my name as a good example as to how a friend can break your heart?

I have no excuses nor explanation as to what happened and why. All I remember thinking is that, you’ll always be there when I needed to find my way back, it didn’t cross my mind then that years later I would still be paying for the pain I caused you, that years later when I finally realize, you wouldn’t be there, that I would pray for a chance every day to be able to say I am sorry and never get one.

And

If you gave me a chance today to make amends, I wouldn’t know what to say or do, I wouldn’t know what to apologize for; choosing popularity over our sacred friendship, ignoring your pleading eyes across the corridor every day for weeks, refusing to join you at our favourite lunch space or crying myself to bed instead of reaching out to you.

My guilt intensifies with each passing year, will I live with it forever or will I find a way to make it go away?

Can one forgive themselves for the pain they have caused others?