I had embarked on a journey recently to solve a mystery, a mystery that had spiked my interest, on what difference my sad and happy days had.
I had always attributed my sad days with having a reaction to everything that happened to me and around me, so i thought if i had a positive outlook at all times, i wouldn’t feel lonely, confused, out of place or empty.
What i didn’t realize was, the problem lay deeper than that, yeah as much as not having a positive outlook contributed to the feeling, the actual answer lay in why the positivity was missing on the sad days and present on the happy days?
I had to dig deeper and find out why i had different perspectives on both the days.
That’s when it became apparent; on my happy days, i was in constant conversation with my lord, there was a connection between my soul and its creator, hence i was at peace with myself and with the world. I placed my trust in Allah for He is enough to dispose my affairs.
And i was sad on the days when that connection was not there, on days when i ran after the worldly affair without working for the afterlife too, on days when i worried about the future and left Allah out of the equation.
I felt loneliness because my soul had missed Al-waliy the friend, patron and helper, there was confusion because the soul and the mind were not in alignment, the mind wanting to pursue the pleasures of the world while the heart wanted to pursue the pleasures of it’s creator and fulfil it’s primary goal to worship Allah in secret and in daylight. There was emptiness because what else can fill a soul other than deeds and actions of worshipping its creator?
Even though this ayah had been my favorite ever, I had never resonated with it so much until i found out about its trueness