Hear me

Hear me when i say, you were supposed to be my role model, my protector, the one to turned to, the one on my side. Why is it not the case?

Why is it, that whenever i hear your voice, a shiver runs down my spine? Why am i paralyzed in your presence? Feeling worthless. Why, whenever i see your face, am reminded of all the things wrong with me? Of my flaws? Why have you terrorized me so much to the extent only a thought of you results in unexplainable amount of pain?

I have always felt so strongly for the victims of emotional and physical abuse but how comes it never occurred to me that this is as much as an abuse?

Why?

Why is it so easy for you to make me feel so worthless by an utterance of a single word?

Why do i have to cry so much every single time you crush my dreams, my expectations? By now shouldn’t i have learnt that no matter how much i try I’ll never be good enough for you?

Why can’t i hate you just as much if it were another person? Why as much as, i wish something bad happens to you, i keep on praying for your well-being sincerely? Is this stupidity?

Why do i still have hope that maybe, maybe one day you’ll understand how much of a mess i am because of you? How much you have hurt me and continue on doing?

Why do i understand that you are as much as in pain, that’s why it’s easy for you to hurt me? Why do i understand your situation? Your feelings? Why do i hurt when you hurt?

Why?

But,

Hear me when i say,

yes it still hurt, yes i still hope for the day you come around, hope that you will care one day, pray that you’ll understand how your words cut deep into my soul.

I will no longer be your captive, i will heal, i will put on the pieces you broke one by one and make it a beautiful whole, i will get up with tears running down my face, dust myself and keep on going until it doesn’t hurt anymore, until you are no where near disrupting my worthiness.

Hear me and hear me clearly.