Taking stock of our circle

While you can’t quite kick anyone to the curb without causing a substantial amount of drama, you can however box them up and put them on a shelf, so as to speak.

-ivan misner.

One of the greatest hurdles we encounter when trying to make a change is the people we surround ourselves with.

Toxic friends.

We need to ask ourselves; who are the people in our lives that still wield some sort of negative influence over us?

Friendships should be one of the highest points of existence and yet sometimes it’s also the most routinely disappointing thing we have to deal with.

The first step to taking stock of our inner circle is to see the people in our lives. To rate then on how much toxic or healthy they are. Each person we encounter ends up living in our brains in some way.

After that, we need to give a definite purpose to friendships we nurture. Our attempt at friendships tend to go adrift because we collectively resist the task of developing a clear picture of what friendship should really be for. We are uncomfortable with friendships having any declared purpose, because we assume that having a clear purpose is least attractive and most cynical of motives which is not the case.

However, the more we define what a friendship might be for, the more we can focus in on what we should be doing with every person in our lives or indeed the more we can helpfully conclude that we shouldn’t be with them at all.

One good thing about getting a bit more precise about what we’re trying to do with our social lives, is that we are likely to conclude that in many cases we’re spending time with people for no truly identifiable good. These friends share none of our professional ambitions or interests, they aren’t reassuring and may indeed be secretly really excited by the possibility of our failures.

They might be not interested in furthering our or their path to self knowledge. They are like so many of the people in our social lives, simply be in our orbit as a result of some unhappy accident that we’ve been too sentimental to correct.

Culling such friends isn’t a sign that we’ve lost belief in friendship, it’s evidence that we are starting to get clearer and therefore more demanding about what a friendship could really be.

In the best way, the price of knowledge about what a friendship is for, may result in a few more evenings at home in our own company.

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Love, always